I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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