you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Everyone says I win the strip club
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
