i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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