I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
that may or may not have been my penis.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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