Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
