come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
