The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
