some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
