this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize