she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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