never play flip cup with pint glasses
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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