In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
