took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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