Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
