i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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