put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
