Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
