i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
