Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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