Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
