Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
it glows. i had to have it.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
