Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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