To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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