Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The uberlube is also flammable
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
