ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
