The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
