Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
