dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
