he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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