I need help removing her.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
