I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
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