I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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