? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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