Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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