big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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