It's a beautiful day for a hangover
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
