Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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