So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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