I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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