I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
