I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
