there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
