Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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