So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
