Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
