That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize