After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
