Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
