guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
