I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My cat gives me a boner
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
