you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
