May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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