can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
