her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
