Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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