Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
