Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
