I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
