I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
