The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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