If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
