Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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