I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Soap is not a condiment
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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