I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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