Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
