I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
