you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
there is puke in my bra ... again
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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