I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
